Tuesday, 8 April 2008

Evil Test

Are you evil? The only cost-effective way to find out is to take Uncle Valdemar's simple test.

1. You are a brilliant science student. Your dissertation topic is:

a. Preventing the spread of malaria in the developing world.
b. Cobbling together a homicidal monster from bits of corpses stolen from a graveyard by your deformed assistant.
c. Perfecting the ultimate cup of tea.

2. You are on holiday in Egypt. You spend your time:

a. Riding on camels and being photographed in front of ancient monuments. And throwing up.
b. Searching for ancient manuscripts that will grant you unimaginable power, and killing people in museums with various curved daggers if they get in your way. And throwing up, obviously.
c. Ooh, I wouldn't go abroad for my holidays, we've always stayed at this little B&B in Frinton. Mind you, we do spend a lot of time throwing up.

3. You fall in love with someone but they cruelly spurn you. Your response is:

a. A rueful smile, a resigned shrug, and a night spent with a bottle of decent malt, two tarts and a trained squirrel.
b. A fit of the screaming abdabs followed by a hideous industrial accident from which you emerge with a metal hand, an eye patch and a burning desire for revenge upon the whole stinking mass of worthless humanity.
c. Belated recognition that love is a girly concept. Like expensive shoes and that.

If you answered mostly a's, you are normal and therefore not that evil. If you answered mostly c's, you are most likely British and therefore inherently good, or at least better than most people. If you answered all b's you live a rich, full life and are undeniably quite evil. But it's all relative, innit?

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