Agents of V.A.L.V.E.

Another of Cardinal Cox's poetry pamphlets has materialised in my domicile. It's hard not to type like a slightly bonkers Victorian, because this the third and last of his steampunk series. If you know of Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. you'll pretty much get the basic idea. A group of very disparate and sometimes desperate vampire hunters travel the 19th world, getting into scrapes and protecting humankind. Or, as the poet put it in his accompanying blurb, Fearless Steampunk Vampire Killers.

The first poem, 'Carpathian Castle', is set in 1892 and sees Count Franz von Telek heading for the mysterious castle, 'where villagers said the devil lived'. The truth, if you know your Jules Verne, is very different. The novel that inspired the poem is arguably the final culmination of Verne's reverence for, and attempts to emulate, Edgar Allan Poe.

'Science usurps necromantic basis
Technology has now conquered the tomb'



Next up we have 'Dr. Phibes in New York', where we find the notorious boffin in an 'apartment in the Chrysler Tower', complete with oriental servant, a beautiful assistant, and a plan to unleash flying reptiles on the unsuspecting populace. Of course, V.A.L.V.E. agents settle his hash. But did they find all the pteranodon eggs? This one feels like a tribute not only to the Phibes movies but also to that utter classic, Q - the Winged Serpent.

'Woman of the Wonderful West' is a two-fisted tale of a hard fighting woman who deals with trouble the hard way. Puccini's opera is referenced in the notes,leaving me floundering a bit, but it's a clever notion. So is the involvement of Prince Zaleski, a languidly Decadent figure in marked contrast to a fighting woman, 'played an uncredited role in the Transyvannian menace of 1893'. That takes us neatly to some notes found in the laboratory of a scientist who was researching - well, it's quite obvious from references to stakes, decapitation and garlic.

'Around the World in Eighty Nights' takes us back into Verne territory, of course, with vampires emulating Phileas Fogg and wagering who can circumnavigate the earth. Not surprisingly, the white hats do not approve of this global reach of the undead. Fortunately, we learn that Charles Babbage put his considerable talents at the disposal of the organisation, But 'Explosion at the University's Number Mill' reveals that the first computer was eventually identified as a threat by the nosferatu brigade.

'Clockwork Heart' is a particularly nifty poem, dealing with Victorian excursions and entertainments. The key to a clockwork heart, however, might be offered for less than romantic reasons. I feel the Cardinal also deserves extra points for the splendid couplet:

'Spend a week on the coast of Dorset
Wrestle you out of your corset'

Roll over, Thomas Hardy.

Finally, we return directly to the Poe/Vern axis of weirdness with 'Hans Pfaall at the Centre of the Earth'. There's a splendid revelation here that I won't spoil for the reader. Suffice to say that I found it compelling. And why not use a balloon to voyage to the earth's core? I also like the 'pale blind flying things/ Who detect their prey with other senses'.

As with all of the Cardinal's pamphlets, you can obtain this one for free by sending an SAE to:

58 Pennington
Orton Goldhay
Peterborough
PE2 5RB